This is way complex. I have been seeing this man for 3+ months. He told me 1/2 way through that he would be going out and f-ing other women. i didnt approve of that but i did stay. our sex was not great & i always had to initiate it. i didnt fully understand the issue until after he had slept with another woman and i really wanted to know why. when it came down to it, what he said is "you are my mother!". that freaked me out and i immediately wanted out of the relationship. But it totally explained our sex issues... There is a ton more i could write here to explain in more detail but there isnt room. Should I even try to make this work under these circumstances? We do love eachother in a way i have never felt before (i do not love him as a son lol).


Answers




Might I add a few things. He never felt loved by his mother. She died 2 years ago. He had told me previously that he cant mix love and sex..its either one or the other. He believes its possible to have a loving/emotional/cuddling/NO sex relationship with someone and then the two of you just go out and have sex with OTHER PEOPLE when you need it. I find this very very twisted and it hurts me deeply that he sleeps around and makes me feel very insecure and unsure of my sexuality (I am 44. But I also do have strong feelings for him and want to help him.





I think you need to figure out if your love for him is stronger than your need to "fix him". My last g/f was very controlling but I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone. But everyday I found myself trying to convince myself that I didn't need this BS in my life. Although my love for her was strong, my tolerance was not, until I reached the point that I had to give myself, and her an ultimatum: Either she get help, or I'm gone. I even offered to go with her jointly but that didn't happen.

Well, I'm single again and she swtill has problems. Although it still hurts, I feel satisfied I did all I could to help the situation.

And if it matters, I'm 51 and we broke up over a year ago. We were high school sweethearts that got back together in 07 after going our own ways after high school. Her side is that we were just 2 different people. My side was that she was to stubborn and set in her ways. She kept her nose to the grindstone while I lived for the moment. There was no "middle ground".

Good luck though.You have to live your own live and cannot be responsible for someone else's.

To thine own self be true.





I agree with tat2doc. You have to figure out which is the strongest feeling of the two and go with it.

Best,

Clyde