When I’m not stressed I am an amazing boyfriend and can take any comment from her without a problem. It’s amazing! But when I have some sort of stress, shell say something I disagree with and what feels like a cloud of anger builds up in my chest. The second she says another thing I disagree with I just lose it in an uncontrollable feeling of blind rage and in the end I feel guilty and depressed about everything that I’ve done to her when she doesn’t deserve any of it. I have trouble sleeping just replaying in my head the things I did and said.


Answers




I COMPLETELY understand. I do the exact same thing, but it doesn't stop with me just being stressed out. My boyfriend could just say or do something that I feel is annoying, and that will trigger me to just be angry and mean and spiteful. It's like I can't control what is coming out of my mouth. I want to say things that I know will hurt him at that moment. I love him like crazy, and he is very supportive, but there will be some point when he can't take it anymore. I have depression, and thought I had it under control, but I am beginning to question it.





I think you're well on your way to figuring this out, and changing it. :) Being able to notice what is happening and when are good first steps. But how to change the reaction?

What connections are you making when someone disagrees with you? Is there someone from your family perhaps, or someone in authority over you that refused to listen to your feelings and opinions in the past? It sounds like you are primed for an argument when anyone disagrees. That could be a lack of self respect, and confidence. Words can't make you less than you are, and don't really hurt you or make your own opinions less valuable.

Learning how to accept other's differing opinions is an important mature step (though many adults never learned.) Allowing others to have their own opinions doesn't invalidate your own.

See if you can attack this problem from a new angle, perhaps by solidifying what your own opinions really are. It could be you aren't quite sure, and don't like to be questioned that you're view might not be the correct one.

best wishes

drjean





I too think you are doing well understanding this. Part of the battle is understanding it, and trying to figure out how to defeat it.

See if you can figure out a way to validate others opinions with out invalidating your own.

Best,

Clyde





My husband has the same problams as you. Putting me down for no reason, he will ask my opinion and when I give it he says there is some thing wrong with me because I don't see things the same way he does. But he says he wants me to have my own opinion? I can see the anger. So now ,no matter what the answer is I ALWAYS say some thing up beat . There is a trend there if some thing negative is said it adds to anger. I think this is beyon stress . And Prozac or wellbutrin . Could help . You may be depressed and don't. Know it. ( been there)