I've been married for close to ten years and recently my husband has started asking for sexual activity that we've never engaged in before. He's making it a part of every encounter and I am concerned there is a problem developing.


Hmm... do his actions make you uncomfortable? Maybe it's just a phase for him, or maybe he just wants sexual activity more. If it concerns you, you could either talk to him about it, or a trusted friend or family member, maybe a counsellor.

I hope it works out for ya!



Is it possible that he just wants to try out new things? Have you discussed this issue with him?

If it is completely different, yes, I would recommend talking to him about it or a T. If this offends you (the sexual acts) or bothers you, your husband has to know, because sex needs to be enjoyable for you too, not just for him.


mnlewis, the new ideas he has are coming from somewhere, I agree. Whether it is from sharing any frustration he might, with the guys at work, or whether he is viewing porn in some form, it does appear that he needs more excitement in this aspect of your lives.

How is everything else going in the marriage? Usually the first thing to deteriorate (and it leads to the rest following ) is communication. I know it will be difficult at best to try and discuss this as adults if there's a communication barrier, but guaranteed you will have his attention if you can talk about it without condemnation or accusation.

What might be an interesting experience for both of you is to see a sex therapist. They don't just help with the physical act, but with the underlying emotional and psychological needs beneath. Good wishes!


If the new practice is degrading, uncomfortable, or makes you feel uneasy, then tell him no. He may counter that you are too prudish or unwilling to be part of an active sex life. I agree with another person who advised you to go see a sex therapist. Please research to make sure it is one who specializes in sexual addiction so that can be either ruled out or dealt with. My recent partner of 17 years also did something similar. I went along with it for a long time because he seemed to be happier and excited when I did. I became more uncomfortable with it as time went on because it became the only thing he was interested in. He grew increasingly irritable, was critical more often than he ever had been, and became emotionally distant. It seemed like he was very angry every day. If not with me for something I did or didn't do, it was people in his workplace. He would make negative comments about women in general- how they were a pain in the workplace, how some woman had screwed a buddy over, etc. I had no clue what was going on with him but could see he was changing. I subsequently discovered he had been having multiple affairs for years. We went to different therapists who were concentrating on our communication with each other. As much as that helped us to talk calmly, there was still something hidden. I did more research and found reason to believe he was a sex addict. We finally found a therapist who was certified as a sex addiction specialist. With this addiction, the relationship can often suffer even more as the addict uncovers all that has been hidden and at the root of his/her pain. Frankly, our future together is not looking good, but I know it will help both of us even if we do not continue together. I have learned so much about myself by going to therapy and attending a group for people who have been hurt by another's sexual behavior. I hope this ends up only being a little bump in the road for you and your husband. But if you see signs of something more serious, please don't hesitate to get professional help. If he won't go, go by yourself. Good luck.

well if he's having it with you thats great right,versus someone else?

maybe he's bored and just wants to spice it up.

he probably got the ideas from porn or a book or movie he read,or maybe a guy friend shared stuff with him and he is trying it out on you since it worked for his guy friend and his wife.

unless it hurts,its illegal or degrading who cares? If you enjoy it,try it you might like it.

boredom can kill a marriage or a relationship.

I mean it could be worse he might not want to have sex with you,he could want it outside the marriage. At least your the woman he wants it with,you should feel flattered your husband is giving you all this new attention.

some women complain that their men are duds and boring or have cut them totally off. at least your man wants you...YOU and wants to try different things with YOU.

but if you dislike it by all means don't do it. But understand both sides have the right to happiness and if you cut him off it may work out negatively for you in the end.

I'm only guessing at what the activity is, but if it is what I think it is, there currently is a preoccupation with the discussion of it in even the most wholesome media outlets. Talk of it is everywhere; I'd be surprised if he weren't curious.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Putting an entire marriage at stake every time a woman disagrees with her husband is grossly unfair. It reminds me of the "Real Housewives" "Bravo" series. Every time the women disagree, they put the entire friendship on the block: "I thought we were friends!"

You're partners. You shouldn't have to fear for your marriage and your home and family because you don't want to do something.

He is either engaging in secret pornography or he is cheating on you.

thats what i think,

however it may be far away from the truth......... i hope!

Trying new sex positions out of the blue can be a sign of an affair. You might want to ask him what sparked his interest in these new sex acts.

It could be his buddies talking about it or has been viewing lots of porn. If you don't feel comfortable with it...let him know. It's not all about him. You are an equal partner.:)