My husband has been pressuring me more and more to have sex with a few of his friends while he watches, or to go to a bar and have me pick someone up and have oral sex with him (or her). The whole idea goes against everything I believe in, but he is so good with the gift of words that he's almost got me believing there's something wrong with ME because I don't want to do that. He can't understand why I wouldn't want to go to a nudist resort, or do any of the things he wants me to do, because "as long as we're doing it as a couple, what's the big deal?" He also believes that 99% of the world thinks like him (including all of my friends), and that most of my issues are religion-motivated (we're both catholic). I honestly do NOT believe that is the norm; it doesn't bother me in the least that OTHER people do it - I have no desire to do it, however. Does that make me as weird as he thinks?


From what I'm reading in your question, there is nothing wrong or weird about you. You simply have a different view than your husband's on this matter.

As for your friends, they can speak for themselves. Just because he says they think like him doesn't necessarily mean they do.

I would suggest that you not let your husband talk you into something that you don't want to do or that is against what you believe in.

I'm not really sure how you could go about handling this, but I know that not wanting to do those things doesn't make you weird.

You and your husband need to get into counseling, but in my experience, the prognosis is not good. He is likely to refuse counseling because he thinks his desires are "ordinary and average", which they are not. You eventually will have to decide to stay and put up with it, or leave him for someone compatible, which you two are not.

I agree with everyone. I dont see where there is anything wrong with you at all. If you do not have those feelings, or those needs to do as he wants you to do, so what? Those are your feelings, and they need to be validated and accepted.

I dont feel you can tell if the two of you are compatible after reading a paragraph or two, but I do agree you need to try and get him to go to counseling.

Usually this kind of sexual stuff either means the person has a serious problem with sex or that they may of been sexually abused as a child/adult. He may see nothing wrong with it, but the idea that you do should be enough to make him stop thinking about it, at least TALKING to you about it.

Discuss with him how you would like to see a T together, and perhaps you two can find out what the idea is about him being so hypersexual.

Best wishes!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, never believe that! I think you need to go to counselling, but like syoung said, it probably won't end well. If he's pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, then he's just like a high school 'friend' who wanted you to drink at a party. In the end, you know that that 'friend' isn't a real friend and to move on. Now, I'm not suggesting that you divorce your husband, not in the least. Since talking to him doesn't work, go to couselling, with him, and without him. Have your own private sessions to get professional help.

Hope I helped!

Best of luck,



I agree with everyone who is saying there is nothing wrong with you.

I am not religious in the least, never had any catholic influence or the like but I believe your husband's fantasies are not appropriate for a married couple. I still believe the majority of people favour monogamy in marriage and quite frankly if a partner of mine suggested anything like this I would be deeply offended.

I hope you can figure out a solution to your problem, or to be more specific, your husbands problem.