hey. ok so im 14 and for a long long time ive been looking for freinds. i was never really the super cool kid in elementary school ( i was sort of a well liked nerd). once jr high started all that wasnt cool anymore so i pretended to discontinue reading writing and being a "nerd" while really ive never stopped. i though that since i would just pretend to not be a nerd anymore i could easily just make freinds with the popular kids and it would be as easy as that. well what i realized was that i had no idea how undersocially developed i was. after two years i know exactly how to act to be "cool" i have lots of freinds but im not quite in all of tbe social circles enough for people to call me to hang out or really be considered one of the cool kids. i have a few good freinds i can hang out with anytime, but mostly i have to start my own social gatherings to be included in any at all. or i have to carefully word and slip into other peoples plans, but that is few and far between. im tired of spending so much time trying to hang out with my freinds!!! its insane how hard i work to be accepted by them and i realize its all fruitless and wont help me in life but humans need to feel accepted and really theyr my only option right now. i hate being lonely and countig the days before i can hangout again. what should i do to solve my lonliness, and get accepted or come to peace with not being cool? im 14 going into 9th grade. thank you so much i need help.


There is only one way to be in this world joeh, and that is to be yourself at all times. I don't know why you feel the need to be cool or why you label yourself as a nerd. Why not beat your fists on your chest and proclaim to yourself that "I AM ME!". Take it or leave it!

You sound to me as though you do enjoy people but you are worried that they might not like you. Stop trying so hard and learn to get to know yourself for a while. Learn to accept yourself first. People will see you better then and even now you probably have people who wish that they were like you. No-one likes a pretender and can easily see this false picture. I see this in my pub all the time. The people who want to be everyone's friend end up drowning everyone else's voice in a big effort to be heard. What they don't see are those whom they are trying to impress - lifting their eyes up to heaven at them!

Be yourself at all times and take that with you throughout your adult life. You will get times when you feel that you don't fit in (but everyone of us feels like that at times) but more often than not you will be drawn (as they will to you) to some beautiful people in the world and what will make these experiences so brilliant is the fact that you can be yourself around them at all times. They are the kind of relationships you want rather than shallow ones where you have to act all the time. I can guarantee you joeh, 100%, that you will never be lonely throughout your life if you stay true to yourself.


Dear nerd,

I'm a nerd too. But I'm also cool. How can that be? I am comfortable being alone so I don't need people to like me. That frees me to be myself and I'm plenty cool when I'm myself.

When you notice yourself desperately trying, ask yourself this: if they don't consider me cool, is it possible that I'm still cool anyway? Then try just being patient and not needing an immediate solution.

Very good thoughts Z and Edahn.

It is vital to be true to yourself and be true to your own thoughts. While you may want to "force" the issue on getting people to like you, it takes time--so just do it slowly, and let it happen naturally.