Let me just start off by saying this isn't going to be a short question, so brace yourself for as much detail as I can describe.

Have you ever found yourself repeatedly saying: "I just don't know anymore."?



I am an 18 year old male. For some reason, I honestly, ultimately believe that I am going to be an overall failure and amount to a poor low life. I currently work at a grocery store, and I feel like I'll be there forever; an old man, stocking shelves in the frozen department, unable to retire, and working to make ends barely meet.

I also currently go to a community college. Mind you, I have no idea what I want to major in or what I would LIKE to do for a living. I never have. But I did know one thing; I didn't want to major in stocking shelves in the frozen section.

For now, I am just working on my general education, taking classes such as Math or English. I come home from school neglecting to do my assignments. I just have no desire to do them.

I find myself constantly running away from my problems or pushing them to the side and have them haunt me another time. Sometimes, I think I am going to become a college dropout and enlist in the military or something, which would emotionally mutilate my mother.

Other times, I think to myself that I am going to commit suicide at some particular point in the future. I feel like I want to achieve something and THEN kill myself later. Things are going OK for me right now, but when my parents kick me out of the house and reveal me to the real world, I really don't think I'll survive.

For some reason, I want people to feel sorry for me, but at the same time, I want people to fear me. It's weird but it's the truth.


In high school, I was considered a Special Ed student. And it's legit. I got transcripts saying I have learning disabilities. I don't know if it has anything to do with a possible mental disorder.

My parents also divorced when I was maybe thirteen or so years old. I don't know of that could scar me emotionally, which would give me a mental disorder. I don't want to talk to my mom about any of this. I am not comfortable talking to her about simple things alone.

All I know is that I am 90% sure that I have a serious problem. That is all I can think of right now. I know there's more to say but my mind can only vent so much right now. Thanks for reading this, I know it was a lot.





Answers




Hi

only one on one sessions with a trained therapist could really help to analyze the whys of what you are feeling. You may want to consider speaking to a counselor at your college, where there is likely also a free or low cost psychiatric service

Do you have accommodations for your academic work at the college based on your special ed history? That can often make things easier too!

We could give you advice here on motivation and things like that, but I honestly think there are likely deep rooted issues here that would best be dealt with one on one with a therapist.

I do hope you will speak to your college counselor and seek help





HI Nails - I'm wondering what kind of learning disability do you have? It would be helpful if you understand exactly what are your challenges. I agree you should speak with a therapist, but I also think you would benefit greatly by speaking to a career/education counselor at your college.

I remember my 1st year of University - I really felt lost not knowing what field I wanted to study. The education counselor can help you figure out what kind of job you ultimately want to be in. What could you see yourself doing 5 yrs from now...what are your passions? I think what you need most of all is guidance and reassurance.