I believe I am addicted to a past lover/relationship (or how it made me feel at least) and have been for a long time. It's been 3 years and even I find my fixation on this girl to be ridiculous and unhealthy... even with OCD. Yet I do not know how to move past it. I am no danger to her physically, the problem lies with me. The mere idea of having to actually move on for good scares me and ever since the relationship ended I have been depressed. I've been reading articles on OLA ever since my therapist mentioned it to me and some of it really rings true to my situation. Any advice on how to overcome this?


Hi - sorry you're struggling with this but at least you admit this is a problem? Do you have OCD? Have you asked your therapist how to deal with this? Did you have closure with this breakup? Do you follow her on social media sites - often this is a hard habit to break. Before facebook and myspace came along, it was easier to get over a past love. Now its too tempting to search what's happening in their lives and feeling bad if they're happy with someone else. If that the case, you should stop looking her up online. Would you say its getting worse? Speak to your therapist and I hope it gets better for you.

I can't begin to imagine how you feel. I don't think it's so much OCD. I think love is just a very strong feeling. I think it's natural to feel the way you do, but the important thing to keep in mind is you have to find a way to get over it. You can't let it consume your life. You've been so use to this relationship that it's become a daily part of your life. But you've got to know when yo let go. And move on for your own health. I promise there are more partners out there. I hope you the best hun

I think its very hard to get over someone especially if you really loved them. They broke your heart when you may of been thinking that you would of never been in this problem, i would recommend getting someone to talk to it helps a lot in these types of situations. Good Luck!!!

I had the same addiction, for now I can say clearly I`ve overpassed it by starting business which helped me to develop myself, and I've no time for thinking about love.I think it will benefit you too.

Sorry you are still struggling with/suffering through these feelings. I think the member above me "Ifocuspsych" made a very good point. To shed any powerful emotion and its accompanying thoughts it is usually necessary to acquire a new "object" of attention, to refocus attention/thought/awareness on something else. Whether it be a person, an interest or passion you have, a cause, a course of study etc. Humans are naturally attached creatures and when that attachment is severed the loss of that person or thing feels like a deep and real pain born of mourning that loss, because it is. I have my own formula for this I call the " What do i require in order to acquire what it is I desire?" Tool (long and silly name, I know.) Basically you ask yourself 2 questions: 1. What do I desire? (to move on and not feel the way you do regarding your break up). 2. What is required? ( You need to find another object or other "Objects of Attention" in order to displace the current one (your ex). Find other things/interests that will "hold" your attention....The idea behind this is that energy follows attention. What we give our attention/thought to is where we put our energy and time. Think of it like a plant. If you give it your attention, water it, nourish the soil, bring it inside if its too cold at night etc then that plant will grow and flourish. If you ignore it, don't water it, don't protect it from the cold because you're focusing all your attention on another plant you like, the old plant dies and the new one thrives. Your thoughts and feelings and "things" in your life are like these plants. Give your attention to only those plants (Things) that you want to thrive. Ignore the ones you don't. And when you catch yourself thinking about that wilted, dying plant outside in the cold and it causes you pain, refocus on something else.