Ohh I don't really know where to start, but I need some advice... I'm 21 years old. When I was 14, I started being very depressive due to realizing my father was as much psychologicaly violent, and problematic as my mother. I went to see my school's psychologist for all this, as well as OCDs that were hard to deal with. I've also always been nearly unable to have friends or any social relations at all... I never know what to say, and when I do, people run away and I rarely understand why.
So anyway, I've seen multiple psychologists, social workers, and four psychiatrists over the years... I usually have no problem explaining what I live to them. I even slowly discovered issues I wasn't conscious of, or thought were normal before. From books, readings and simple internet tests, I've realised I had ADD (since starting elementary school, and affecting me today in various ways... e.g, I can't concentrate on jobs and get fired, I take LOTS of time to read books, I lose track of the time), anxiety disorder (including panic attacks, serious itchings, and constant worries about situations, or the few persons in my life giving up on me), a social-emotional disorder (worries, illusions, jealousy, always seeking attention, lots of people hating me, me hating lots of people), a low self-esteem, odd sleep patterns and insomnia (including fear of falling asleep), and a very possible borderline disorder (lots of falling in love too early). Only the OCDs "usually" weren't too hindering on me. The depression though only got worse and worse, more physical and intense. I tried about 7 antidepressants, and only my latest one has an effect, plus only every other day. I'm not happy, I can't find any purpose at all, and I don't enjoy much activities in life.
So 2008 has been one hell of a thing to get through. I first declared myself insane to be locked in psychiatry at my hospital... I was desperate, I needed therapy and medication. I quit after one week, because it felt very uncomfortable and wrong. They gave me pills which didn't work and had zombifying side effects. At least I got a follow-up with a psychiatrist every 3 months. Soon after, I told him I just couldn't live like that anymore... So he got me into a therapy house for suicidal people. The usual lenght of the stay is 3 weeks, but since my state wasn't changing, I stayed 7 weeks. With the therapist, I tried various innovative ideas, with no success. On week 4, I commited suicide. I spent some time in casualty dept., then some in psychiatry. They sent me back to the therapy house... but now the therapist would say I was lazy and had to change by myself since he had tried everything. It lead me to act and lie to be able to leave what was now only a jail. In the following months, I was given my medications in small packages for security, I started cutting myself, and spent hundreds of dollars on alcohol... I've also been facing imminent homelessness, from problems with welfare. And today, I still live somehow.
About the diagnosis. Every 3 months, the psychiatrist says he can't diagnose anything, except maybe simple depression. I'm also far on a waiting list for free psychology services. From 1 to 2 years wait. But the funniest thing is, I went through tests to analyse my personality, and the hospital lost the results. They say they can't make me go through the tests again. As for my family doctor, which I'm lucky to have, she also says she cannot provide help unless I put some effort. I just don't know what efforts to make, or how to do what they ask of me... One of the common suggestions is to go do a social activity and force myself to initiate conversations with people... but if you haven't lost track too much of this long entry, you might notice it's much more complicated.
I appreciate if you took some of your time on reading this, and any possibly useful advice. Thank you, very much.


Sup yedo.. id say see a doctor or anyone in the medical field that can recommend you to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist that can accurately diagnose you... Maybe just ask your doctor ect..

Good luck


Hi Biscuit,

Well, I'll see my current psychiatrist this week, so I'll definitely insist on how bothered I am by their non-professionalism. I'll ask about seeing someone else if he can't do anything. Thanks for your comment.

I agree with Biscuit.



This is exactly what happens. This person typed ALL of that and got like no help or good answeres what-so-ever. Like, that's really how life is, with people, with doctors, with everybody. They really act like your thoughts aren't as serious as they are. So, after a while, people tend to give up and end up doing crazy things because they can't get what they need from ANYONE. That is a road I have been travelling forever now, I'll reach insanity at some point too, IF I don't die first.