Hi, I'm brand new to the site and thought i would pose a question. I'm 26 and don't let any one emotionally close to me. I don't really show much emotion I used to cut now just nothing. I think my childhood taught me that. I was a military brat who moved around, so I've left a lot of people in my life. If someone gets too close...I leave. I've up and moved 5 times since I was 18...just to move. I figure I can't keep doing this because people are starting to get mad at my lack of emotions. My best friend wants to get into my head but I keep telling her she would be scared. I have so many thoughts running through my head at once that I can't keep up. Too many thoughts no room for emtional crap I guess. I pretty much never finish anything...I start something but after awhile I'm over it and move on the the next great thing I'll probably never finish. The few things I'm good at are sarcasm and manipulation. But those seem to get me into trouble.I don't cut anymore just in case you were wondering, all I do now is pick the crap out of my cuticles...they are always a bloody mess. I'm typically a happy go lucky kinda gal...typically but my moods do waiver...all the time. Oh and mostly I think of me and no one else. So, what do you guys think? Am I normal? Am I not?


Answers




Awareness is the first step to recovery.Have you considered that keeping people at a distance as a learned family message? Sarcasm can be a positive release of coping with stress if it is done in a joking matter and as long as it is not hurting someone else. Perhaps finding out if it is just intimacy issues which could be changed by re-educating yourself on the subject and simply having the willingness to change and knowing what triggers you to become distant can bring you more satisfying relationships.Does this make you abnormal "I think not." I would however get therapy for the constant picking of your cuticles if you already have not done so. They can help you to find the root of the problem.And typically those who manipulate others they themselves feel out of control. But please always remember that these are only symptoms and that doesn't mean that you are abnormal or a freak.Awareness is half the battle.





Just reading this, I can say that you fully recognize your own lack of willingness to connect with others. You seem to want some connection, some emotion, perhaps some love.

Being a military brat is hard, but separations from those you love can teach you other things than to close yourself off from others. Once you know how much it hurts to lose it you are less likely to take love or friendship for granted, and that means you cherish it more once/if you commit.

You are probably rather disciplined about some things, and in a good way. For example,you stopped the cutting: good for you!

Sarcasm is unfriendly wittiness. If you think about it to teach yourself when it's appropriate and not hurtful, and learn to laugh at yourself while you do it, you might find others think it's funny too.

Manipulation is unfriendly influence. If you learn to use this ability to influence others in a humanitarian way with good intention, it can be called "leadership."

Your moods waver? Well whether that's "normal" or not depends on how much they waver, how often and why. Unwavering moods would make you an automaton and very "abnormal" Thoughts running through the head are "normal" too, unless they are too much, too often, too frightening, unstoppable, dangerous.

Not finishing things? Do you start things you aren't really interested in in the first place? OK not to finish what you don't like to do, as long as not finishing isn't harming others. Sometimes we experiment to see if we like something and find out we don't. Finding out you don't want to finish something is okay: mission accomplished, I found out I don't really want to do this enough to complete it. Maybe you'll finish things you really do want to do.

Since you recognize the troubles, you may want to talk to a professional about them. A pro might help you see things more clearly.

Also, pay for a professional manicure: maybe you will be less likely to chew up cuticles when they are expensive! And you deserve to do something nice for yourself.

Meanwhile, give yourself a break, and stop being so harsh with yourself. Sounds as if you don't like yourself much. Give yourself permission to like yourself. That is the first step toward giving others permission to like you too.

Once you have learned to love you, you might learn to let someone else love you. It's worth the risk you perceive: yes the risk is there, you are not imagining that. But not much is worth having that comes with no risk at all. When you do love and let yourself be loved, you will probably be very honorable about that. And that is a good thing.

Normal? Well "normal" is a range of behaviors and attitudes, not just one behavior or attitude. We are all different, not cookie-cutter people. So normal is an overused word altogether. Better to ask: Am I contributing to the good of this world in any way? Or at least not contributing to the bad of this world?

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I think a lot of it is due to your military moving and stuff, yes. Please dont be so harsh on yourself, you are a nice person with lots to offer the world.

Yes, allow yourself to be who you are. You may want to come see a therapist, but that depends up on you, of course.

I think it may not be a bad idea, but you are the one who makes that call.

Best,

Clyde