i have this friend who likes this guy anyway she asked me to talk to him but gave me his friends number so i started talking to him as i wanted to get to know him a little and now i cant stop thinking about him and he feels the same i think but i am not sure if it is the right thing to do


It can make him look bad and I don't think a 20 year old guy is going to have a lot in common with a high school girl? Your "job" at the moment is to get through school well so you can get a good job or further schooling. He has already embarked on that next step so you are "unequal" in where you are in life. I would wait until I graduated school, didn't have that burden or distraction and then maybe thought about who I wanted to date and what I wanted to do with my time and money when they were my own.

the thing is we do have alot in common i really like him and he feels the same

I'm glad you can see you can see possible positive things in this relationship. I would look at my entire life though, not just the relationship. No one can live their life just in relationship. I think the relationship would distract from, rather than add to, the rest of your current life? In school you would be thinking about him. You wouldn't want to get a summer job or work at continuing education, you would just want to be with him. Your other relationships might suffer; being part of your family and helping support your home, developing relationships with other teens, your peers (everyone has to do this, learn to establish peer relationships as well as up and down in age); there are many tasks that are geared to be worked on now, at the age and place you are now. As we age, age in relationship gets less and less important; no one cares if a 42 year old dates a person 35-55? But even just 2-3 years can be a difference the younger one is because there are specific tasks that need to be worked at and learned during this time, just as young children have to learn to walk, talk, read and write, etc. at "certain" times or their lives get much more complicated and harder to "fix". Older people go back to school daily but it's much better and easier to stay in school originally. Lots of things are possible; it's possible that this relationship would work out great, but the probabilities are not as good as they could be, I would wait for 2-3 years to tackle a relationship of this sort.

Sorry, Jazz, but I do kinda agree with Perna a bit. One major worry too, is if anything happens, it is possible he could get in trouble too from your parents or family.

I am not trying to imply anything, I am just saying be careful. You still have a long time (hopefully) left in your life to live...



Jazz91, I know it might be kewl for a while, to date a guy this age, but it really is too big of a gap at this time, to have good lasting qualities.

He's out of school, perhaps in college, working full time perhaps... and you are still in school with all those wonderful experiences ahead of you (school ball games, dances, graduation parties, friends etc.)

You have different dreams right now, and sex is high on his list, I assure you. You might share some songs and groups you like, but mostly he is in another grouping, and his overall interests are not going to be where you are. He will also be limited in what he can do when he's with you, or he's going to pressure you to do things at your age you shouldn't be concerned with.

I hope you are able to hear what all of us are saying: don't begin this relationship, no matter how "mature" you really are. Many adults tried such things, going against the advice given them, and found out they wished they had listened.

Good wishes!


you might love him and reali want to be with him, but you have to realize hes on his own your not, he has all the freedom in the world, and you might get the feeling that you want to run away with him, quit skl, and do all sorts of things b/c of him and thats going to mess up your life not to mention his too. i think u should talk to him for awhile and make sure its definite tht hes not going to hurt you and that your not going to get him in trouble. plus you have to becareful of who you tell. but i dont think its a good idea


We are in the exact same situation. I am 16 going on 17 in March, and my boyfriend is 20 going on 21 in Febuary. I do not think that is too big of an age gap. I personally do not find guys my age attractive, because I just think they are annoying. As long as you guys are being careful with your relationship, and your parent's agree with it due to his age and everything. I don't see anything wrong with it.

So good luck with the relationship,


No, it's not the right thing to do. Even the "law" tends to agree that this relationship isn't balanced in desires and understanding, you know? Three years is huge at your age, when much later in life it won't matter. But it does matter now, and it isn't in your own best interest to pursue this.

Please consider what draws you to him, what is lacking in your home life, or personal needs that you think linking up with this guy will make you happy. Give yourself time to find true love. I doubt that is what is on this guys mind anyway.


I tend to support AshleyJoan93's response, however, with GREAT caution.

In most circumstances this age gap is a huge thing as you both have such different lifestyles atm.

I feel that this depends on maturity of you 2 involved, your parents participation in this, and the primary fact that your education doesn't suffer as a result of the involvement.

I went through something similar to this in my youth. Dated a guy 4 years older than me since my freshman year, and for me, he was nothing more than a HUGE distraction from school, which didn't end favorably for me.

So long as you remain focused on school, have your parent's guidance and finish your education, I see absolutely nothing wrong with your involvement.

I wish you the best.


I'm 21 and when I was your age I was doing the EXACT same thing. Eventually you two will grow apart because its true, both of you are at different stages in your life and similarily your goals are different. Are you planning on going to college...? You just have to think if its worth the time diving into this relationship because once your back in school you won't be able to have all this free time for him and if your living further away from him you guys may grow apart... I think you'll find someone that fits you better if you just wait. Don't skip these years, that's what I did and I regret it.

I think it will make him look bad maby wene ur 18 or 19 then it wont make him look bad :)



The outcome of the situation really depends on the guy. I've seen a lot of high school girls really screw up their lives by dating older guys who treated them like trash. On the other side, though, I'm a 20-year-old male who is dating a 17-year-old female. We've been seeing each other for over a year, and get along wonderfully. We both have jobs, and I'm currently attending university.

In short, age really shouldn't matter too much. Respectability, however, does.

It really does matter on the guy. I'm a fond believer in that age doesn't matter, but at 20 most guys are thinking about....ya. But if you two do get along really well and actually like each other go for it, just take things slow.

I am 16 going on 17 and I dated a 20 year old. We dated for two years on and off. We were good at first and were best friends before we dated. I brought him into my world and he showed me his. We were good for a while until he left for boot camp for the Air Force. Before that we started to have problems because he was scared of leaving me, we were always together whenever we could which was everyday. I made a mistake and let this guy sweet talk me when we were fighting. I was weak and I never ever gone through this is my life. We got into a fight and I went out to a party to drink and things got out of control and the other guy got what he wanted and it ruined me and him. We were still together after until we broke up in August. One week after our one year anniversary. We been breaking up and getting back together for a while because he doesn't know what he wants. I know what I want, sure it may change later on but at this moment and for a while I want him more than anything. He has gotten over me and I am still trying to get over him and it's making me sick, literally. We were suppose to move next summer when I went off to College. Either way don't do it. Just have fun. We are young and we need to find ourselves before we even concern a serious relationship. Just go on dates with guys your age. Trust me.

i don't think u should date him...i mean he's older then you and he could get into trouble and if he was smart he wouldn't b talking to you because he should know what would happen to him if he were dating you...it's also bad for u because u have so much ahead of you and have all the time in the world to date later...finish school and think about u rite now and not a relationship. hope i could b a help...hugs and kisses... please b careful and do the the rite thang....i've been a situation like this b4 and i was so in love but hun it don't work out....trust me....please stop seeing him.


=/ well i'm 19.

-some mates probley wouldnt like it if i dated a 16 yr old it depends really on the 20 year old. if he goes clubbing alot and is in achole etc. i doubt he would date a 16 year old. sorry. and i dont think you should.

-but he could be simliar to my self. were all i do is work, and gym. and a bit of computer easy life style for a girl at 16 but it also a hard 1 because most girls are so immature personalily at 20-19 i wouldnt go near a 16 year old girl. mayb a 17 year old at half way though or nearly finished high school. besides he might pressure u into intercourse etc. and achole. because if dating a 16 year old girl that is "in high school in year 11 isnt what a 19-20 year old would want atm"

leave it and stay away for now. until as i said half way though nexted year when ur 17 and a half. other wise 16 you'll live to regreat it. theres a big gap in that year trust me. it's were you grow up. most of the time.

police can get involved greatly at 16. if he does to do so.

16 is legal in many states. I live in South Carolina, and my girlfriend is from Georgia. In both states 16 is considered old enough to engage in a sexual relationship without any consent but your own. I am 23 years old now, and my girlfriend is 18. When we met, I was 21 and she was 16. We are very happy together, although I will agree that more times than not things do not work out this way. Best of luck to you in whatever you do, just make sure it's what YOU want. :)

Nope hun its okay, i am 17 and pregnant to an 20 year old just make sure you be careful though considering you never know someone properly good luck x

I think its alright. You see tones of older married couples that have huge gaps in age and are happy. Girls mature faster than guys as well, but remember that you do have less life experience then him. Be careful and never by impulsive with your decisions. You never know what his intentions are/will be. Best of luck!

With my experiences two of my friends dated 21 year olds when they were 15. One relationship ended really quickly and the other lasted a long time but he ended up breaking her heart. It does vary on the man but you're young you want to be in love and the matter of the fact is its dangerous to date someone in that age range when you're younger. I'm not going to tell you not to date him but be sure to have someone that you can talk to so that if anything were happen you'll have a support. If you're close with your parent I recommend you tell them. If he doesn't like the idea of you telling people about the relationship then I don't think it's a good idea to date him

Ive dated older guys when i was that young. I got into drinking and drugs and got into it with some bad people. think about it... if he is 20 and ur 16. why cant he get girls his age??... and he can only get younger girls thats a red flag. be safe and don't just got on your feelings just your brain.

No you should not be dating a 20yr old man. It would be best if you stayed in your age bracket. There is no need to grow up so fas and miss out on all life has to offer.

My Friend is going true the same thing now in her life . For now I tell her just worry about school & getting a education . Think it true