Hi,
Just help me out ok. Too long a story to tell but in a nutshell, had a bad teenage. Just never used to fit into groups and scared of people. I just realized i have had social phobia all along. Had an extremely verbally abusive parent. Depression started when i was young and became worse at 18. I'm 26 now and after my girlfriend of 3+ yrs left (for another guy) i went into severe depression. Have been to a psychiatrist about 4 months ago. I don't want to go there again, i don't want to be that weak in front of someone. Also, leaned on a few relatives and friends when i was totally down, but now i feel ashamed about it. This weekend, spent two days crying or reading depression forums or re-anlayzing the relationship. I regret not being able to save it. This afternoon woke up with my heart beating so fast and scared. That's when i decided to write this. I put my life into that relationship, thought it was the best thing that had happened to me. The story of my life has always been that i've tried very hard with the best intentions but have always been misunderstood and failed at everything. I don't have much to live for. What should i do? Where am i going to end up? I either live like a zombie without thinking or think too much and depress myself on being such a loser. I know I have screwed up my life, i wish i had done things differently. Don't see any future and i am badly depressed right now. What should i do?


Answers




This weekend I haven't been great myself ander055. I have felt like crying myself today in fact but everyone is around in the family so it seems to be stuck inside in me at the moment. The only thing we can do is to carry on and hope for the best. Maybe tomorrow will be different. We have to live for the good days don't we?

Maybe it is time to find a different psychiatrist? Sometimes you have to shop around to find the best one. I know that you have tried everything with the best of intentions and feel that you have failed. I too, feel the same way. I don't think anyone understands me either...

Sorry that you have met someone in the same frame of mind as you today and I wish that I had more positive things to say to you. Maybe you could post again tomorrow and we might be able to boost each other up a bit better?

Zanzivar





Hi Ander,

there are some people who stay together their whole life, but that seems more rare now a days. The way that I look at relationships, is sometimes they are meant for a lifetime and sometimes they're only meant for a short time. Sometimes people come into our lives and we learn things, which prepares us for the next relationship. Even the worst relationships have a way of teaching us about ourselves.

The most important lesson I've learned is to never put your whole lifes worth in that person - because then if they leave, you feel they've taken it with them. You said you put your life into the relationship - that's why you're feeling empty now.

I think you should resume counselling, but this time with a psychologist who can talk to you more. Here in Canada psychiatrists focus on medications and not so much talking. Try not to dwell on the past relationship and instead work o making yourself healthy again. You also need to work on your self esteem which is rooted from your abusive parent.

Many people have social phobias in varying degrees and it's very treatable. I was painfully shy when I was younger, but learned to manage it. Sure I'm not an extrovert, but I'm not held back anymore.

You have to try to be optimistic and believe in yourself. Once you get well, I'm sure you'll meet someone new and then you'll understand why God ended the other one - because he has new things he needs to teach you. Remember to make yourself complete and never put your whole life into a person. Don't dwell in the past and concentrate on the present. All we really have is this moment. It's unfortunate that some people only learn how to live once they know their life is coming to an end. Learn from this and choose to live your life NOW to the fullest. Best of luck. :) Bella.





Weather you realize it or not you have alot to live for. I was married for 12yrs and my husband walked out on me and our little boy. I felt my life was over also, this is a natural feeling when something happens as severe as this. But guess what I now have a beautiful 7yr old daughter and she wouldn't be here if things hadn't happened the way they did. you never know what the future holds for you. take one day at a time and make the most of it by healing and before you know it you will find something to make you smile again oneday.good luck





wow you sound really depressed. I can understand you are going through a hard time right now after losing your girlfriend, but please don't listen to those thoughts in your head! its easy with depression to feel like your life is worse than it really is- I can tell you from personal experience that is just the depression talking. I think if your psychiatrist is not working out for you that is fine, but maybe consider another form of treatment? Counselling with someone else, or medication (your GP can prescribe it I think) can at least help you over the hump. I think its normal to really put yourself into a relationship, and to feel bad that you weren't able to save it- everyone feels like that after their relationships end. I think you really cared about this girl and it is very positive to see that you can take a relationship so seriously. At 26 (I'm 26 too!) I think you still have plenty of time to find someone else, and sort your life out again. Good luck I'm sure you will make it!





I think you need to go back to counseling too, especially with a counselor who would listen to you better.

Best,

Clyde





Hello Ander,

I am truly sorry about what you have been through... i dont no what i would do if i was in your shoes. But what I think you should do is try to make some new friends and meet new people so 1 you can get your mind off of the girl who broke your heart and because u can relie and talk it out with people you trust... and i get that going to a cousiler is hard and all so you so try talk it out to people you no and trust like family members or friends... i no when im super sad and i wanna hit someone i just call my friends and talk it out with them.And About that ex of yours if she loved you and really cared about you she woyuld still be with you and wouldnt of left you for another guy so my advise is to just forget about her and move on and talk to your friends or familys because when you open up trust me you will feel soooooooo much better and your life does mean something god put you on this earth for a reason dont take yourself out of out befor you are supposed to go people love you and can help you.......if u do take youralef ou tof this world more people will be sad than yo0y think and trust me it is a good thing she left you soooo now you can move on and find somebody better........its better now then later..... Ander, theese are just obsticales in life you need to get through. You might think that your in hell right now and you probably are but news flash live isnt purfect and you cant always get what ya want. Her leaving you just opened up a new road for you leading you to a better ending.. her leaving oyu could have you find your dream girl you guys can have a happy life but u just have to get out of the mud first and right now your pretty far in but you can get out.becaus ewhen one dorr closes two others open..........I really hope you life gets better and i know it will sooooooo just forget about her and move on........and about your parent sjust try to get out of the house as much as possible i wish you the best of luck.

Love,

Monica and Morgan (: