Okay this is what happened. I recently got arrested with a large quantity of cocaine. I have less then a month until I attend court. I'm facing time in federal prison. I really messed up.
Im not allowed to attend my brothers wedding now in another country. I still have to tell my family what happened and that I can't go. Im going to devastate my family and ruin
Xmas and the wedding in the process.
I have so many overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, hopelessness. Im a really depressed. Im not able to eat or sleep.
I have so many fears about my future, fear of the unknown. I'm afraid to lose everything: my family, friends, my girlfriend, my cat, my house.
I'm worried about surviving prison. I don't want my loved ones to stress about me. I'm worried for my parents and how they will cope with this.
I feel terrible for what I've been doing to my community. I hope to one day become a positive to everyone.
Ive had suicidal thoughts about just ending it all but I know that won't help.
I'm trying to put some kind of plan together where my gf can take care of my house and cat. So I can still have something when I get out. I dont know how long Im going to get and if she'd be able to wait that long.
I really want to be strong and make it through this. I feel I'm beyond anyone's help. Its hard to even find examples of stories worse off then mine. I wish I never got involved with drugs!

I know I'm severely depressed because of all of this. Should I speak with a mental health professional about depression? Or does it count that I'm a criminal and I'm supposed to suffer for what I've done? Now, in prison, and eternity?



I think you should tell your family about the trouble you are in. Not attending your brother's wedding is the least of your problems!

I am not surprised you are feeling depressed and even suicidal. I do think it would be wise to see a psychologist asap so that you can have someone to help you with those feelings. Yes you have done wrong and have to face the consequences, but that does not exclude you from medical care.

Do you have a lawyer? If not, get one. I cannot condone or even sympathize with you on drug dealing as cocaine is a very destructive, addictive substance. But you sound remorseful and maybe a lawyer can help you get less prison time with fines and/or community service.

I agree the best thing to do is get some mental help which you still deserve, own up to your family and express all your remorse to the legal system and hopefully this will work in your favor. Facing this difficult situation is better than hiding and dreading it. You can look at this as a hard life lesson and improve your life. There have been some rap stars who've survived prison and got their life together.

Perhaps you should talk to your girlfriend about all this. I'm sure she probably cares bout you and will do everything in her power to help you out. This world is harsh, and drugs can be a big trouble maker. Hopefully all goes well and when you get out you'll still have alot. I would say just make sure you take advantage of the jail time to cut yourse;f off from the drugs so this situation wont happen again, but I'm sure you know that already. All the best!

Im sorry your going through this! Im going through the same situation, im in trouble with the law, i violated my probation, im crying all the time because of not knowing whats going to happen, i deserve what ever it is, but my family does not! How did you get through it?