Last summer, my older sister passed away due to drugs, it came down on me very hard, and I fell in a state of depression for a couple months. Recently, (this started about 5 months ago) I've been having drastic mood swings ranging between extreme depression to being on top of the world. Even more recently, about last month, I've been getting extreme feelings of paranoia, (ie. The feeling of being watched etc.) When I was about 10 1/2 I was going to a therapist because my parents had gotten divorced, and I abseloutely hated it, she would say "I won't repeat anything" and then go and tell my parents everything I said, so that pretty much ruined my trust in therapists and counselors. My school doesn't have a school conselour and I'm not even sure who to talk to. This week all I've been thinking about is hurting myself and suicide, I've been cutting this year and it helps a bit, but honestly it hurts me more. I don't know what to do right now. I'd appreciate it a ton if somebody in/was in a similar situation could give me advice..Thank you for taking the time to read this if you have.


Hi there

so sorry to hear of your sister.

Did you have any grief counseling? That really is a very important thing, especially after a traumatic death of a loved one.

The therapist you saw when younger was very wrong to betray your trust that way! Is there any adult that you trust enough to confide in? Just do know that one bad experience with a therapist does not define all.

Cutting really is not a solution as you are fact it just creates a whole new and very serious problem!

I do hope you will find the courage to talk to one of your parents if possible or to another trusted adult, and let them know what you are going through. It seems you are a deeply sensitive person, and so being able to release these things with someone you trust is very important.

I am not sure how old you are now, but you may want to join our forum section (also anonymous) and see if one of the support groups there may be helpful to you just to be able to release your feelings...there are forums for grief, depression, self injury etc etc. Just click COMMUNITY top right of the page to register there.

Also, here is a free and anonymous phone lines you can call just to talk to someone...1-(800)-448-3000

Hi,I'm new to the site but wouldn't mind trying to help answer,cause I know I have questionns to ask later,I'm so sorry about your sister.were you ever able to go through the grieving stages?your counslor should have been more honest with you,at least by telling you I won't tell them unless I feel they should know something,cause she would be doing her job,as for the hurting part,I deal with it to n a different way and ways that have helped me have been journaling trying to find something to do if I feel like doingt that,and sometimes I get caught up reading,idk if you like to read but if you pick up a good book it may help,I also see a therapist,just little things help me I also try bandaides for when I feel like mine is scratching) trying to stop,I try to put one on before I do .I hope this helped a little,venting about it helps some to me.I hope your able to get help,again I'm so sorry about ur sister.hugs.

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear about your sister. To be honest, I haven't really lost someone to me so dear nor have I gone to a therapist yet, but I do know how it feels to not trust anyone or to think that they're just full of themselves. I've also cut myself for certain reasons and yes, it does give you a momentary feeling of euphoria but after that, things just stay as shitty as they were. The one thing that I'd advise you to do is to talk to someone. Try to give someone the chance if you can. It could be someone you've never really talked to before as I did with my now-best-friend or even a random complete stranger on the internet. Or if you feel like you really can't, try talking to an animal; a dog, or any animal. Lately I've found that the silent reassurance and simple act of an animal listening and not judging you is quite calming and it helps you think things over. At any rate, I hope you feel better and please, please oh please, just don't kill yourself. I won't lie to you, getting over a shitty moment is damn hard but it is totally worth it.

Hello. I am very sorry to read this, because I see so much of myself in this post. I have never lost a sibling, but I have lost a friend to suicide. After it happened, I attempted suicide and was hospitalized. I had been prescribed medicines and had to go see counselors and such. I hated it because I knew I was depressed but I wanted to fix it on my own, without meds and without therapists. It is unfortunate that you feel you cannot trust therapists, because no matter how you think, they ARE there to help you. It took me a long time to realize that. Remember, it is ILLEGAL for then to release your information, even to a parent, UNLESS they feel you are a danger to yourself or anyone around you. This is most likely why they had said something to your parents. What struck me the most about your post though, was the cutting. I struggled with cutting for 5 years before I ever worked up the mind to get out of the addiction. That's exactly what it is too, an addiction. Some may disagree and say you can stop whenever, but it will never be that easy. I strongly encourage you to find a healthier way to release your anxiety and sadness. I write stories and poetry alot and that helped. I have been "sober" now for 3 years. I am new to this site, but if there is any way for you to message me, please feel free. I've been as low as you feel right now and I remember wishing someone would just sit and listen to what I had to say. I'm here to be that person if you need it. Please, consider seeking out a professional to help you. I am a very hard person to build trust with, and I know how it feels to think you can't trust them, but you can.... Good luck.