I'm lost.
While growing up-people always told me that my teenage years would be the hardest-I simply smiled. I love embracing challenges.
Not this one.
I'm one of those out-going, wild, fun, and happy kids. Always positive. But once I got into High School, I wanted everybody to know that...I thought it was normal the way I was acting. But, now...looking back on my own, and being told by my friends-I realize..that girl was not me.
I was way too excited...always intense...pressured for everyone to know me. I never even slept-I just plotted at nights how I was going to act the following morning. Soon, I realized-that I was just becoming a better actress. That girl was not me. I tried being known as the class-clown kind of...care-free. But I know how sensitive I really am! I just don't want anybody to see that girl...because I'm scared if they don't like her.
There's a girl in my grade...who I want to be friends with-because she makes me feel like a better person...she thinks I'm whacked!
But it's too late...I don't know how to change.
Lately, I have been feeling all the symptoms of Bipolar Depression (Research indicates)-it says that it's genetic. But, I feel like I caused myself to have it.
I've made myself the star of my own show-the show that very few want to see.
I know I have a problem. I attest to the fact that something is wrong with me. I know I inflicted this upon myself-because I was not acting like myself.
If I want to help myself-I think I first want to actually try practicing and knowing the person I really want to be.
I know I want to be a friendly kid-just not too friendly..like freaking people out again. Because, deep down in side-when people just tease me in a friendly way-how I act...it hurts. It hurts bad.
How do I tell them that?
I need to talk to somebody.
Somebody who cant judge me...that's why I'm asking you.
Help me.


It sounds as if you're having a hard time. And it does sound as if bi-polar is a possibility, which is why you should get an evaluation from a professional. Nobody can diagnose by e-mail, so we could be totally wrong when we say one thing or the other. Staying up all night, feeling as if your thoughts are racing, etc., can be symptoms of bi-polar, but also aren't that unusual for being a teenager. Being self-conscious, not knowing exactly who are you are, feeling as if you're putting on a false front -- to some extent these come with the territory. When they get out of hand and cause real distress, though, it's very useful to get help. You could be not bi-polar but still benefit from a good counselor. I'm guessing you feel your parents might not be sympathetic? You might sound them out cautiously and see if they'd be willing to take you to a psychologist. If they disregard your distress, there may be a reliable counselor at your school. If not, try the wisest friend's parents that you know. Or you could try a local Hotline and ask about resources. Please don't stop until you find a professional you trust. You are your greatest advocate. The fact that you wrote to this site is a sign that you're a self-aware person who can reach out for support. Best of luck to you!

It does sound that bipolar could be a possibility. That is a good enough reason to check things out with a therapist, who would be more beneficial in helping treat you than we would.

I do think that any kind of counselor or therapist or even a good, trusted friend would be of vital importance here.

Please seek help with a therapist or counselor as soon as possible.