I'm a woman in the Air Force and along with the military comes the responsibility of reporting for various duties across the world. I have been lucky enough to spend a good amount of time at home; however,my boyfriend of 4yrs seems to completely break down whenever I leave.
When I receive word of travel my boyfriend becomes angry, depressed, and distant. His attitude seems to digress the longer I am gone and by the time I come back it feels as if I had done something wrong. Is this adult separation anxiety? If so would counseling help at all?


Answers




Could it be that he could be scared that something will happen to you and he is trying to prepare for the worst should it happen and he is essentially trying to insulate himself? Reason I say this is because I would sometimes do the same thing, and then I realized why I was doing it (because I was actually really scared). While YOU may not be scared or anything like that. Talk to him about it, ask him why he feels that way, (do it when he is in a good mood and would be receptive). Do not attack, just talk normally, asking him why he gets upset when you receive word of travel, is there something he is afraid will happen? If not, then yeah, counseling might not be a bad idea.





Hi,

yes it does sound like adult separation anxiey. I think you need to find out where his emotions are rooted. Is he afraid of you getting hurt or is he afraid of you having sex with someone etc. Try to really understand where he's coming from. When you do go, keep up with regular communications such as web cam, e-mails or even love letters. Encourage him to keep himself occupied with things he enjoys. If those don't help then you could suggest therapy. When you're gone, you can talk about doing special things when you come home. Best of luck to you both.





Yeah, it seems like he has it. Its probibly becuase he doesnt want something to happen to you. I have seperation angzioty and when my mom went off to a camp thing I acted the same way he acts and when she was gone i would hypervenilate and cry scream throw temper tantrums break things. You should talk to him. Send him notes when your gone, dont be harsh cause if its S.A.D then you can really upset him.





It does indeed sound like adult anxiety. Is there any way you can converse with him more while you are home and discuss things you can do while you are gone to stay in touch?

Best,

Clyde