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I am a teenage girl in High School and have recently been feeling very frustrated with life.
It all started with a boy I met last year. He was different than anyone I've ever met. He brought out the best in me and made me feel invincible. I loved who he encouraged me to be. We were best friends and just when I thought we were at our bestest, he left me hanging. Randomly stopped talking to me and left me wondering what it is I ever did wrong. I've tried so hard to move on from my past and find a new different, but nothing seems to ever work. It's like I'm not good enough for anyone. Have you ever realized how little people actually care about you? No one ever asks how you are doing or about the wonders in your life. That's how it is for me at least.
I've been very stressed with school lately. Grades, college applications, ACT testing and such. Not to mention my fake as crap friends who only want me when they need something. It's like I'm so desperate for acceptance that I have to change myself to fit in. They only seem to like me because I tend to be the "light of the party" or so they say. They crave attention and belonging, just as most of us do. But I'm simply looking for something more. I wish I could escape from them and find something/someone better, but I'm far too afraid to venture out in fear that I will be hurt. I don't know where I'd find the courage to do so anyway.
My mom has a severe case of Cancer and I'm running out of time with her. I want more than anything to make her proud and for her to be here for the best parts of my life, but I'm afraid that she won't be.
I feel so much pressure to be the best in every aspect of my life and it's killing me emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. Just when I think I like a boy again, I automatically back away in fear of him leaving me. Is love really worth it? Is risking it worth the fact that it's, in all actuality, only going to result in heartbreak? It's safe to say I have major trust issues. But I'm struggling with the fact that I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling. I would talk to my mom, but she already has enough to deal with. And I don't want to talk to no counselor, my case just isn't that bad. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just want to know there is hope in finding better. That someday I will escape from this 1 by 1 inch box I am trapped in and someone will love me for all of my many flaws and mistakes I've made in the past. I want to know that as long as I wake up every morning with a smile on my face regardless of my circamstance and with the courage to walk out into the cold world, it will all be worth it. Someone, anyone, please shed a light of hope. I have so many things I want to do with my life. Please help me believe it is possible. Because I'm running out of things to put faith in.


Answers




Hi there

you are dealing with an enormous amount of stress...far more than is "normal" at your age...Apart from the natural stress of a relationship break up and the pressure to perform at school....your Mom is seriously ill, and I think that is likely the underlying factor that is making you feel so drained.

It really sounds to me like you need to have counseling, especially related to coping with your Mom's illness. Is she under Hospice care? I know they provide counseling for family members.

For the school issues, I think you should talk to your guidance counselor. Does the school know about your Mom's illness? It is not unusual for a student to start struggling with schoolwork when there is a serious illness in a family member or other traumatic issue.

As for the end of your romance and how you feel now, it is not unusual to feel nervous about trusting someone with your affections when you have had the heartache of a broken relationship. But, if it is any consolation, this is something most people go through, in some cases multiple times, in life...it is part of learning to love and be loved. You do need to try to allow yourself to get to know other guys and just see where it goes. Don't find so much fault with yourself...instead, see your positives too and work on developing those. learn from any negatives, but don't let them burden you and weigh you down.

I do hope you will get some counseling and that however much time you have left with your Mom will be very special.

God Bless
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Hi – you certainly have a lot to cope with, sorry to hear about your Mom. I am certain that she is already very proud of you. From your post it is obvious that you are objective and mature enough to make sense of everything around you. Often when a person is under so much stress as you are, it is easy to get confused and even more overwhelmed. I completely agree with Chemar that you should advise your counsellor, not least so that your tutors are aware of your situation.

As far as relationships are concerned, unfortunately you will have to go through some pain and heartache, but eventually you will find a genuine, caring person that you can share your life and troubles with. It is worth it. Obviously you have to risk getting hurt, no pain no gain as they say.

Throughout life, we can make many acquaintances, some good, some bad. Not that many that we can call true friends. Unfortunately there will always be people out there waiting to take advantage. You obviously have the ability to cut through the crap and see some people for what they are. Although you feel negative at the moment, you come across as a positive person and level headed. Don’t criticise yourself, you don’t deserve it.

You WILL find someone special, you will find true friends, don’t give up on experiencing what life has to offer. Have faith, don’t change, you sound like a great person to know and you will find people who will appreciate you for who you are.

God Bless x
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Hi beautifuldreamer - the age/stage of life you're at, holds a great deal of pressure and decision making. In the short time of teenage yrs to adulthood, life seems more serious and can be overwhelming. I agree with the others, you should be getting some counseling to deal with the impending illness of your mom and I'm very sorry this is happening. This is a time you need a mom most and because she's ill, you're stuffing all your feelings inside.

Regarding your relationship - most of us have gone through a painful 1st love and they seem to hurt the most. Reason is, they always seem so special because our hearts are clean slates - we don't have any love scars that make us less trusting or dragging around baggage lol. Unfortunately many young relationships are also fickle ones and with social media its harder to hang on to them, with the rampant flirting. As others said, its normal to have your trust shaken but we all have to sacrifice those feelings/fears. With love there's risk but the best way to survive those disappointments, is to make sure you have a great self worth.

If I were you, I'd get some counseling to help cope with your mom's illness and concentrate on your education. I wish a wise person would have told me, how important it is to have a secure education, so you can support yourself. Last thing any woman should do is, become totally dependent on a man or vice a versa. Regarding friends - unfortunately good friends are hard to find and yes there's considerable shallowness, plus friends who'll only want to interact for a good time. Hard to find a friend who'll listen but they do exist. In addition its normal for friendships to change and this is because people change considerably at this age - the values also change as you realize what's important in life. You need someone to talk to and focus on your future. I wish you strength in dealing with your mom's illness and best of luck in your future.
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