I have been diagnosised with ADHD, Depression, High (NOS) Anxiety Disorder. I've been treated for these conditions for the past 20 years or a little more. I've seen several Psychiatrists since we've moved a lot even across the states. Almost all of them have concured on the same diagnosises. However, 2 days after Halloween this year. As I was taking down the decorations in preperation for company, my husband was sitting nearby at his desk and somehow we got on the topic of how I was feeling. He printed out a letter he had written to me back in December of 2011 and never given it to me. At the time it was written he intended me to take it with me to my Psychiatrist to see what her opnion of it was. However, he decided it would not be a good time to give it to me so of course he didn't and this is the first I'd ever heard about it. In the letter he states that he had done some research on his own and felt that my doctor was yes treating me for what he felt were correct things but that they were only symptoms of a bigger disorder he feels I actually have. Boarderline Personality Disorder. He listed the 9 major qualifying symptoms a person who sufferes from this disorder has or can possibly have. I've done research on my own now and read several books. Some say one only needs to meet 2 of them others say 5 in order to qualify for the person to have this disorder. My husband says that he feels I am a canidate for BPD because I can fit into all 9 of them. He even went as far as to state examples for each one listed. Although I felt that some of his examples were stretching it a bit in order to say that they would meet them. As you might guess this whole thing has upset me a lot. First of all my husband has no PSY Dr's Degree of any kind and I kind of feel like he over stepped some boundry where my mental health is concerned such as privacy. He doesn't feel that he has at all. His argument is, is that he has lived with me for almost the whole 20 years and he isn't on the outside looking in so he's the one that lives with me and receives the blunt of my rages. I do admit these happen, not as much as they used to in the last few years but when they do they are pretty intense. I am not proud of what happens, I don't like the me that comes out at all in fact I hate her and wouldn't want to live with me either. I can't even pinpoint what set's them off and afterwards I remember very little about what happens during them. The thing is in doing my own research I've read where ADHD, Depression and Anxiety can also cause things like rages and a whole bunch of other symptoms which he also listed that are involved in the 9. The last Psy. I recently went to for a full evaluation 3 months ago because my other Dr. was quiting wrote down his diagnosis was depression, Anxiety, ADHD. But also put mood disorder with a deferred to a code in the DSM IV Axis II. As far as I can tell this is a code that a Dr. writes when they are not sure what exactly is going on with the patient and doesn't feel they fit into any one catagory? I guess my problem is I hate the Idea of having a Mental Illness as Boarderline Personality Disorder because it makes me feel like he's demeaning me in a big way. I feel like he wants me to admit this is what is wrong with me so he can feel highter on his totem pole in life then I, because I will be at the very bottom. Plus he is one to boost about always being right, NEVER WRONG EVER! I fear that he will some day find out a way to use it against me in some way if I admit that he is correct. (we have a child together) He told me all of this 2 weeks ago along with other admissions like he didn't love me on the day he married me and never has. He say's he married me because he saw I needed him to take care of me. These statements alone are just crushing blows. I have done nothing but try to read as much as possible on this BPD ever since he handed me that letter and cried almost every day since he said what he said to me. I am confused and don't understand. I have been in therapy and on meds for over 20 years trying to get help for my problems. It's not like I haven't been trying. I'm so confused now I don't know what to think. Sometimes I do think he might be right. Then other times I think he just wants to make me think I'm crazy. I don't know what to think any more? All I know is I'm hurting deep inside, not sleeping and I've lost over 10 lbs in 2 weeks now. Before that I had already lost 25 since May 2012. I'm 4'11". People are beginning to say I look sickly because I'm to think. I just can't eat, it makes me feel sick now. I took the on-line test for BPD and it stated I could be a good canidate for it? I just don't want my husband to think he's got something he found on his own to hold over my head. Now I'm just scared and not sure what to do or where to turn. The med's I'm on now from what I read are the same ones one would take to help control any symptoms of BPD??? Any Help or advise would be appreciated. Thanks



I honestly think your therapist is the one to turn to with this as it sounds very complex. Your husband was very wrong to give you that letter as you are correct, he is not a mental health professional and has no clue about diagnosing...so please don't let what he has said influence you to this degree. Take the letter to your therapist and discuss it in that safe environment.

Zeltarsgirl, I definitely agree with Chemar!! Don't have much to add, think that was a great reply to your question, but I did want to share with you that I've been through something similar. You just have to find some way not to let him get this to you. Do not become a victim, which is really helpful for anyone in such a position. Stay strong, educate yourself, take care of yourself, and I wouldn't be too reactive, but pleasant and detached as much as possible. Meditation and yoga could be of help here, when you have time. Don't give him any power over you he isn't entitled to, nor when it appears he (at least at that time) really doesn't have your best interests at heart! Take care and hang in there!

Hey! I think that your Hubby has started thinking and caring more. He is panicked, just talk out things with him. But I do agree with Chemar. Dont become the victim. Good Luck!

Let me begin by saying I'm not surprised you are having anxiety living with a guy who is" Never Wrong Ever" and depression after hearing your husband say he didn't love you on your wedding day and never has. Even before he admitted this in the letter he probably gave you lots of clues that his heart was not really in the marriage but you believed in him & may have felt bad for doubting his love. The contradiction between his behavior& words toward you surely must have affected you on a gut level all these years.You may have second guessed yourself on many occasions & wondered why you had a vague sense of unease.How many times were you left wondering what was wrong with you? It is a tremendous blow to hear that you have given 20 years of your life to someone who says he is there only because you need him to take care of you. Not a good base for a relationship. My heart goes out to you because I was in the same situation. I really felt like I was going crazy& did everything in my power to keep the marriage intact until I feared for my mental health. He analyzed all my decisions,critiqued my every move, criticized my face, figure speech etc. Slowly he chipped& chipped at me till I felt worthless,awkward,stupid& confused. I began suffering from tremors that radiated from my chest and a sensation of crushing weight on my upper body while sleeping. It was only when I finally got away from him that I could clearly see he had a desperate need to control me & he was really the sick one! Please take charge of your life. Stand tall, act confident,believe in yourself! Talk to a counselor & friends you can trust. If I could heal from that nightmare you can too! God Bless